Archive for the ‘ Family ’ Category

Shake Off The Dust…Arise

I keep typing in this box. Deleting what I had put down and typing something different and deleting that.

I don’t have much to say.

Things have sort of leveled off emotionally and mentally for me. I didn’t really have time to grieve, so I figured it would be best not to.  It’s not how Dad would have wanted it anyway.

So, I fill my days with Caitlyn, music, movies, games, comics and reading about all of those things.

I am listening to the Valleys of Neptune album from the Hendrix vault. If you haven’t heard it, I strongly recommend doing so. Some tracks you have heard, some you have not, as well as different recordings of some of his others. The cut of Red House is 8 minutes of amazing.

Bought a, new to us anyway, car on Monday.  A 1996 Mercedes Benz E320. For 14 years old it is in excellent condition, and I feel we got it for a song.  I will be posting pictures of it when the weather clears and I can get it clean. We bought it on a VERY rainy day, and it hasn’t cleared up since.

Caitlyn is now 4. Active. Stubborn. Intelligent. and Amazing. It has been quite fun to be home with her almost every day.  She has quite an imagination, and entertains herself quite well. We won’t get into the fact that she has to be one of the most strong willed children I have encountered. EVER.

I think this is it for right now.

Hi There.

Thought I would stop by, and scare away all the feral animals that may be hiding in my blog.  It’s been a while since I have been here. Truth of the matter is, I haven’t had much to say.  I am just spending my time immersing myself in video games, or movies and music.  Everyday is still a challenge to get out of bed in order to do nothing at all.  There are so many things I want to do, I just can’t seem to find the drive or determination to see any of them through.  Some days are less hazy than others, but the bulk of my time is spent trying to stay awake, or trying to drive the sadness away.

We go on our trip to the beach in 10 days.  I can’t call it a vacation, because I am on vacation every week.  When you only work 3 days a week, you are on vacation all the time.

I am going to try to use the beach trip to heal. I plan on sitting on the beach and doing nothing but stare and for a large portion of it, just listen to the water.

I say that I am not going to neglect this blog, and that I will post to it regularly, but with nothing to say I find it hard to sit here and type.

So, I am going to go.  Maybe someday I will get back to posting here more often.

-James

A Note.

I feel that part of my healing process will have to be posting here.  This is what I hope to be the 1st of many notes to my dad.  Please stick with me while I let some of this out.  It might have some language in it that you may not find pleasing.  That is the least of my concern.  I have to open the taps on this mental pressure before I either snap, or start breaking things.  So, with that said…

I fucking miss you like hell. My head hurts and heart aches more everyday since you are gone.  I want to tell you thank you for teaching me about zen, life, music, movies.  I want to thank you for giving me the blueprint on how to be a man, father and husband and friend.

I realize I still have a lot to learn, and even more important a lot to put into practice.  I hope I am making you proud.

I am doing what I thought you would do.  Lose myself in the music.  Invariably there is a song that plays that triggers a memory of you.  I can deal with the memories, what I can’t deal with is the fact that we can’t make any more.

Everyone around me has been amazingly supportive.  The people I thought wouldn’t be overly concerned with my well being are the ones that are making it a little easier during this time.

I can’t think of anything else to say at the moment.  I hope this helps me.

Thanks for reading. Like I said, I hope this helps.

– James

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Music Played While Writing This Post:

Stevie Ray Vaughan – Texas Flood

Ozzy Osbourne – Gets Me Through

Rory Gallagher – As The Crow Flies

Cry…

So,  I stumbled into the Quicktime Trailers site at Apple.com and came upon this little gem.

Then, while watching it, I started to cry.  I was crying because I realized that I was so caught up in the video that I picked up my phone and went to call my Dad to tell him about it, and that he needed to see it as soon as possible.

He would have been first in line to see this movie.  3 of his favorite musicians in the same place talking about what they love.  Talking about what he loved on a level that most can’t comprehend.  My father was the only musician I know that didn’t regularly play an instrument.  I am sorry that he won’t be able to see this.  I am sure I will watch it over and over again, as they are 3 of my favorite musicians too.  He taught me about Jimmy and Led Zeppelin, He taught me about The Edge and U2, and I gave him Jack White and the White Stripes, and The Raconteurs.

That’s usually the way it went. He gave me his lifetime of music, and I, sometimes, got to add to his playlist.

Foo Fighters, Metallica, Black Label Society… The list of music he introduced me too is vastly larger than what I gave him, and I will always, ALWAYS, be greatful for that!

I hope that I get to impart the intense love of music to Caitlyn as she grows up. There is hope, she was dancing to Jungle Love by Morris Day and The Time last night.  Her PuhPuh would be proud!  I even got her to say, “Who’s Stella is this?” 🙂

That’s all for now. Enjoy the clip.

I Got Nothing…

Greetings all.  It has been a while since I have posted, my goal of weekly posts has been unkept and I apologize.

We are about 2 months and some change from the annual trip to Hilton Head Island.  I am excited, but at the same time upset. This is the first visit to the place my father loved more than any other on earth. He LIVED to go to Hilton Head.  We had been to other beaches for other vacations, but dad thought, as most in my immediate family do, that Hilton Head was/is paradise.  It’s going to be really bittersweet to drive over the bridge in his car, in his seat. Smelling the salty sea air through his window.

I can’t wait to get Caitlyn there, another year older, she will want to spend time at the pool, I hope.

On the video game front, I have been playing Grand Theft Auto IV. I know, I’m a little behind, but let me tell you why.  I had it from Gamefly a couple weeks after it came out, but I couldn’t play it during the day because of the glare on my old TV made it impossible! Now with the HD LCD I got it back from GameFly and I am making my way through it. So much so that I bought it from GF. The story is good, and it isn’t crazy hard like the rest of the GTA games have been for me.

That’s it. That’s all. Bye for now!

It’s Been Awhile…

It’s been a little over a month since my last blog.  I haven’t had much to say.  I still don’t have a focused topic for y’all.  Yeah I said y’all, what you gonna do about it?

I have been in the Geek Squad now for about a month or so, I lost track do to the fact that I am only in the store 3 days a week.  I am loving it. The fact that I work with some cool people, and we are busy a lot makes the time fly by.  It’s very very low pressure.

We are past the 3 month mark of my fathers passing.  I am still having bad days here and there. I find the hardest time to pass is in the car to and from work. That and when there is some strange ass shit going down, or if I hear some good music or hear a good joke. Those were the times that I would call him and tell him about it.

I have been to the movies 2 times in the past week, I saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine, and Star Trek.  Wolverine was complete Poo, and anyone who reads this blog knows I can go on and make a explitive filled post on how angry that movie made me.  Star Trek, however, was fantastic. This summer is chock full of stuff to see, Star Trek, Angels and Demons, Transformers 2. I am going to be a busy boy.

Recently added to the iPod are the Complete “You Can’t Do That On Stage Anymore” by Frank Zappa, and 21st Century Breakdown by Green Day.  Old and New excellent music.  Frank Live can not be beat, and Green Day’s new album sounds like it will be just as good if not better than American Idiot!  Mark my words.

Caitlyn turned 3 this past Saturday.  Time sure does fly by.  She is turning out to be a great kid.  Defiant, but then again she does come by that naturally.

Caitlyn, 1 Day Old

Caitlyn, 1 Day Old

Caitlyn, 3 Years Old

Caitlyn, 3 Years Old

I am a very, very lucky man to have a great wife and amazing daughter!

Good Night All!

-James

Collection.

I spent the last few days in Pennsylvania trying to go through some of my fathers things. Everyone is well aware of the mans love of collecting things. Now, some of those things are now my things. Found some things I forgot he had. Tons of sports card, not to mention the endless amount of comic books. I have his cedar practice samurai swords, and a push daggar I beleive nicked the drum of the clothes dryer.

Having to dig through some of that stuff and knowing here is much more to go through and make room for has become an eye opener. I will be going though the major piles of stuff of my own an anything that isn’t of sentimental importance will be heading to the heap. I don’t need to keep 4 cd drives for my old computers. See what I mean.

Thought I would share. I hope to be more frequent in my posts.

Thanks for stopping by.

-James